My biggest motivation behind writing these emails is to create or enforce a culture of sharing. As an adult, I always seek to learn in ways that support my development. Besides priceless information that is available from many sources, the most impactful way I have grown in life was by being part of a sharing process. Several adults in different roles in their professional or personal life got together to share experiences, learnings, and challenges. I experienced this in the Touchy-Feely class at INSEAD that I mentioned before, in the leadership programs I did in Germany or at Oxford University, and in women’s circles.
Based on the power of these experiences I created Community Dinners and mastermind groups, where we start from a specific topic and six to eight professionals share their own views. It’s a sharing and listening space, where we show up as fully humans with both vulnerabilities and strengths.
What implies sharing as a practice?
Sharing implies firstly setting the space appropriately. In a sharing session, the most important thing to do is listen–no advice, no analysis, no response with a similar story. One does not listen to reply, one only listens to hear. Another aspect is to address a topic or agree on free sharing, with each participant sharing what is important to them. Then, there are more ways to continue. Either each person is asked if they need something the listeners can help with, or everyone in the group shares without asking for something or waiting for something from the group. For example, a sharing group on challenges as a leader is different from a sharing group to bless a friend who will soon be a mom.
There are many ways to practice sharing, but there are a few aspects that I find powerful and sometimes transformational.
- Sharing is personal. We all read interesting things and have access to inspiring information. Some of them touch us, but most of them don’t. Sharing an experience or a situation that impacted us is mostly about how that situation touched us and how we reacted to it. It is about what happened to us next and it allows the listeners to have a look into our inner universe. For example, one of the guests once detailed the process of taking a global role. She shared all the conversations she had with her family before making a decision and how it became a family approach, not only a career decision.
- Sharing opens a door for honest conversation. Sharing is like building bridges between people. The more personal the thing they share, the deeper the connection they can create with other people. I never witnessed a case where after someone shared a personal insight, the next person shared something they saw on TV. Every time someone opens up, the same tone follows. Also, the way these people interact outside the sharing circle is mostly heart-to-heart. Once, I mentioned in one of my articles about the dark side of a burnout I had experienced and afterward I got many messages from people having gone through something similar.
- Sharing connects people. At the events I organize, after a part involving individual sharing, there is usually a part involving free conversations. The way interactions flow after a sharing moment is similar to that of a group of friends who met after a while. They have topics to address and know their common interests. After one of these particular events, two guests shared their passion for adventures, and two months later they went on a trip to Patagonia together. Others started a project to help discriminated communities.
- It supports learning. When learning comes as a conclusion of a personal story, it becomes hugely powerful for the listener. When there is emotion attached to a learning process, it has the potential to become collective. Also, if one of the listeners goes through something similar in the future, the way he pays attention to the learning process is inspired by the sharing he had witnessed.
- Sharing treats listeners as adults. The most important aspect I like about sharing is that the emphasis does not go on giving advice or teaching others. Everyone shares what is meaningful to them and assumes it could be meaningful or helpful to others. From a sharing circle each participant will get what they decide is useful, not what others suggest. Most of the gatherings nowadays are focused on an expert who teaches the others. Sharing treats everyone like equal experts: experts in their own processes.
Sharing sounds simple and natural. The reality is that it creates magic when it comes together with listening, the right setup, introspection and reflection, respect for differences in perspectives, vulnerability, honesty, and a mature approach.
Going back to the motivation behind my writing, sharing my thoughts brought me back the beauty of many sharing moments powered by the elements I mentioned above.
How have you experienced sharing and what was the impact on you?
Photo credit: Marius Tudose